Listening to someone is sometimes
all the help He /She needs.
Replying well in conversation is just
as important as listening well.
If you know nothing,say nothing.
Most of us have been in a situation trying to provide comfort,
support to a friend. "Lending An Ear"(listening/sharing), can be one
of the most important things we can give to another person. "Lending An
Ear",putting full attention to the other person's conversation about
a loss, financial troubles, marriage discord, etc. Allowing this person to
vent, while we listen, possible offering the human touch such as a hug,
holding a hand, soothing the person's back. In doing this we are expressing
sincere concern in a non verbal way.
While listening, it is important to maintain full attention of
our friend's conversation and mannerisms. If we appear distracted,
the sincerity we want to display maybe interpreted as false feelings.
Along with this, it is important to be careful of any advice or responses
we offer. Sometimes, people mean well, but say inappropriate statements,
without thinking how it would be interpreted. At that time, we maybe anxious
and feel a need to express , but the words aren't right. I have a young
friend whose father had died. A friend made the statement, "I know how
you feel". My friend got upset and responded, "No, you don't know how
I feel, you have never lost a parent". Unfortunately, this other person,
made a statement which he realized wasn't the best thing to say. In that,
situation, making an acknowledgment of a mistake would be appropiate. From
a personal experience,being a widow at age 42, my friends expressed
their condolences, but were unable to relate to me as a widow. For
a long time, I felt lonely as I didn't know anyone at my age had this
situation. We view widows as usually much older than I was at the time.
In giving yourself to comfort a friend, we are reaching out and
saying, "You, are important, I care". Life can be very lonely especially
if we feel an additional emptiness with lack of another human beings
presence.
Let Me reach out to you,
you are my friend, eyes red, swollen
from so many tears.
Let Me reach out to you,
I offer a gentle touch to comfort.
Let Me reach out to listen, to
be silent while you share your words
of misery.
Let Me reach out as your friend
as I know that you would do so for me.
Let Me reach out, knowing that I,
hurt for you and will be beside you
to help you, if you will allow this.
Rose
Soo True, sometimes you just need to be there without saying anything.
ReplyDeleteThese are very true words. Sometimes, it is better to say nothing at all, but instead, as you suggest, just listen.
ReplyDeleteJane
Very true. Listening is so important.
ReplyDeleteVery inspiring post Rose... listening is something I so admire in person... sometimes we all just need to talk and have someone listen... and really hear what we are saying... xoxo Julie Marie
ReplyDeleteI like your post this morning. This can hold true for so many things that happen to a person in their lifetime, not just death, but loss of a limb, divorce, or any life changing event.
ReplyDeleteyou're right. Anxious is what I feel when I'm trying to console someone. I'm at a loss for words and all I want to do is just help. sometimes it's just best to take a breath and listen.
ReplyDeletethank you Rose
This is a beautiful post Rose and so very true. This is something I've had to work on, and continue to work on. Thanks for the reminder :)
ReplyDeleteVery true....as you know I just went through a second miscarriage recently...people don't think before they speak...or they pretend the situation didn't happen because it makes them uncomfortable..thanks for sharing! :)
ReplyDeleteYes, say nothing at all...listen, great advice
ReplyDeletekim
What a great post. I appreciate your words. Thanks for stopping by too!
ReplyDeleteGreat post, Rose..... Communication can be hard... People don't know what to say to others who are hurting for various reasons. SO--many times they say something wrong or stay away totally. My advice during times like this is what you have said: Just BE there; sometimes words are not needed; Just a hug; That is usually all that they need... They just need to know that we CARE.
ReplyDeleteThanks Rose.... Very interesting post.
Hugs,
Betsy
We are told to weep with those who weep, and at times, that is really all we can do. I so much agree, we need to NOT say ""I kknow how you feel" unless we have experienced the same thing. And even if we have, everyone has different levels of emotion. One widow may recover in time while another never does.
ReplyDeleteWELL SAID ROSE, AND SO TRUE. THERE IS NOTHING BETTER THEN A GOOD LISTNER. GREAT POST ROSE.
ReplyDeleteHAVE A NICE DAY....RIZZI
Hi Rose: Advise we all need to be reminded of. Hope you are well. Blessings, Martha
ReplyDeleteThis is such important advice, Rose. Most people don't know how to listen. I love the poem, too.
ReplyDeleteThanks,
xoRobyn
Rose, you are such a deep thinker and such a caring person.
ReplyDeleteWhat a wonderfully poignant poem, thank you. It's a skill to be a friend in a time of need. Not too many of us understand the trick is to just listen- and not try solving the problem, saving the day or worst yet, giving advice. I've put my big self-righteous foot in my mouth more than once (with the best of intentions) and learned the hard way what "help" really is.
ReplyDeleteThis post is an affirmation of what I know is true.
I think a big part of listening - is looking at someone - face to face and eyeball to eyeball - especially when it is a serious talk.
ReplyDeleteYou are a sweetheart.
sandie
You are very wise Rose. It takes practice to really listen. I often catch myself thinking what I am about to say which is not listening. ♥O
ReplyDeleteSuper post! You certainly speak the truth - we all need to listen more often.
ReplyDeleteWhat a wonderful post and very timely for me right now in my own life. Yes we all need to listen and sometimes the best support might be just to hold someone's hand when we are not sure what to say. Being there for a person is just as important, no words needed. Thank you for sharing and for stopping by. I always enjoy your visit. Have a blessed day.
ReplyDeleteVery well said, Rose. I think this is especially hard for guys to do. Not every guy responds the same way, but often our response to someone sharing something is to try to "fix it", that is to say offer an unsolicited suggestion. It's necessary and often difficult for us to fight the urge to do so, and instead simply be there and focused on the conversation. I know I struggle with this and am still trying to learn to do better. Thanks for the reminder.
ReplyDeleteI lost my second husband when we were both 37 and we had one child together. He was 4 when his dad died. I have found that people are uncomfortable speaking of death, and it took my kids a while to understand that I wanted to speak and remember their brother who died of multiple sclerosis at age 42. Now we can talk and laugh over our memories. y husband now just does not understand is very uncomfortable with some things like the death of a son but he lost one of his at age 5. I don't think men can deal openly with such personal loss. Good post Rose.
ReplyDeleteGreat read!Loved it!..I have always been a better listener than talker!
ReplyDeleteThanks for sweet comment on my spider tablescape!
-Jo
-LazyonLoblolly
Sometime I just need someone to sit with me when life gets to hard. I think it is important to be still and allow God 's spirit to flow thur you.
ReplyDeleteDottie
If you know nothing,say nothing. AMEN! :-)
ReplyDeleteLots of wisdom in this post! You are so right, we don't know how anyone feels in times like these. We may think we do, but everyone is different....all we can do is show that we do care and are there for support.
ReplyDeleteHave a good weekend Rose.
What a wonderful, inspiring post, Rose! So important. Blessings to you!
ReplyDeleteInspiring, yes and a listener!
ReplyDeletekim
Thoughts well expressed in your lovely poem.
ReplyDeleteHow true, the greatest gift and comfort one can give is to share a moment with a person and to listen. Too often we feel as though we are suppose to come up with words of wisdom, and usually the person just needs to know that some one cares, that someones hears.
Sometime just being there to listen is the best friendship one can offer. This was beautifully written Rose. Blessings Anne
ReplyDelete